Nothing Underneath

This kid said to me once:

“You’re a sheep in wolves’ clothing. Why not try being just a sheep?”


 I wrote my reaction on FB saying:

 "once I was just a girl, now I'm coats of paint. I try far too hard, to be what I just aint. How does one discover, what once was underneath, without a brush to scrub it free and nothing new, then to be?"


 I feel like almost everything did get scrubbed off, the paint and the masks are gone, but as I suspected, there was nothing new to be then. Like, that girl underneath is gone. And here I am left with big questions. and to avoid this emptiness, I am left to live a life that isn't truly living. But I'm beginning to wonder if the experience of "really living" even exists. Maybe it's better not to find out and to just be numbed because that's the best way I know how to get through the day without too much turbulence.

 But maybe I should find out. I'll find this true life, and if I don't, I'll kill myself or go back to numbing through life.
 Let's find this true life. Let's do.