He Should Have Seen Heart Break Comming

"You know what though... I should've seen this coming.... I mean this exact scenario happened before, between the both of us. First time, I told you I liked you at the pool that night, but then later told you I didn't, because I had Elysa on my mind, who did the same thing... then the next time at the same place, I thought I was so sure that I liked you, but changed my mind... We used to text and talk and talk all day and night on the phone or Facebook. You called me that one night because you were scared that Carla death threatened you, and I was so sure that I was going to protect you, but then later I rejected you. Then the summer.... I was sad for everything I'd done, and thought that it would even be impossible to be friends, because you would be upset.. then Jones tells me you like me... at first I didn't really like you, I was surprised... but then I started to realize how real you are, how crazy talented you are, how you're not so far from what I'm like, and that I actually really loved so many different things about you... Jim tried to talk me out of it for so long, maybe he knew.. then like almost halfway through the school year, you finally told me that you really didn't feel that way anymore. We stopped talking, I was depressed. We lost touch, it was hard to be friends. It tore me apart, I never wanted to see you. I was mad at you for the rest of the first semester.. I told Jim how mad I was at you. Then I moved.. you never hugged me goodbye, I was a little hurt, but by then I knew that you didn't even really know me. Then when you heard I was leaving, it was like we were friends again. You were sad I was going. You cared what happened to me. Then after a while, we stopped talking again. Then you finally started to talk to me. I didn't like you at all, I liked Elysa. Then after a while I started to like you, but I still really liked Elysa, so I tried my best to reject my feelings. Then Elysa told me to move on, that she wouldn't feel the same way. I was distraught. After liking a girl for 5 years it hits you. She still has never really treated me the same, but it's ok because that's how it was for 5 years, constantly no communication. So it was easier, but still hard. Then you still talked to me, still I didn't like you. Then after like a month I just really enjoyed talking to you. I really wanted to know you. I wanted to be your best friend. I tried my best to talk to you when you at lonely. I knew you no longer had Amber and it was so hard for you, so I tried so hard to help. Then I started to really like you, like like you. You would encourage me when I was down, and I would do the same. We were both in the same boat. Then after a year I wanted to know if you felt the same, and so did you. Then we talked. I felt sick for the whole day just waiting, because I was so nervous you would say that you didn't like me. Then you told me how you felt and I felt so terrible. It was the best terrible feeling. I was so sick with happiness that I couldn't take it. Then it was just normal from then on. Then I remember when you told me you cut yourself... I cried the whole day. I cried for that whole week. I was so sad to hear that the girl I thought was so amazing, was hurting herself for reasons I didn't really know. I thought maybe you didn't think you were beautiful, so I told you how beautiful you were. I thought maybe you thought no one cared about you or loved you, so I told you how much you meant to me. And I told you how truly amazing you are. I told you everything I could tell, and everything I knew God said. Than it got to the point where I prayed that you wouldn't love me so much so that you could love God with all your heart. And I just thought you were the most amazing person ever. I told everyone I knew about you. Everyone here always asks me how you are and if you're ok. And for a whole year, after I wrote a book and a half of poems, you tell me that it's really done. I really never should've told you how I felt... you know I'm not getting really strong anymore... I'm feeling like fragile glass.... I really should've seen this coming.... I shouldn't have pushed the limit.... I'm sorry I just had to vent a little, and honestly you're the only one that really knows me and listens. Even if it is a sad story."