Nothing Underneath

This kid said to me once:

“You’re a sheep in wolves’ clothing. Why not try being just a sheep?”


 I wrote my reaction on FB saying:

 "once I was just a girl, now I'm coats of paint. I try far too hard, to be what I just aint. How does one discover, what once was underneath, without a brush to scrub it free and nothing new, then to be?"


 I feel like almost everything did get scrubbed off, the paint and the masks are gone, but as I suspected, there was nothing new to be then. Like, that girl underneath is gone. And here I am left with big questions. and to avoid this emptiness, I am left to live a life that isn't truly living. But I'm beginning to wonder if the experience of "really living" even exists. Maybe it's better not to find out and to just be numbed because that's the best way I know how to get through the day without too much turbulence.

 But maybe I should find out. I'll find this true life, and if I don't, I'll kill myself or go back to numbing through life.
 Let's find this true life. Let's do.

Feeling Lonely

I'm lonely for friends, yeah, but I'm lonely for creativity and most of all for God.

Why is life so surreal, and what the heck happened to the world I thought I knew? I think it'd be easier to want to live in that world. maybe it's me that has changed, and here I am blaming it on the times... but whatever's happening, it's not my favorite. It makes me lonely and restless for anything and everything, and yet I don't care, it's just annoying, because I know none of it is what I actually need. It's just more surreal fluff in my fluffy foggy surreal life.  

And I need to go read the words of God. #ReadJohn